I feel safe in telling you to come on over and find me here…

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We are under construction, but I plan to be up soon and tell you about my grand escape. I bet you forgot all about it didn’t you?

I loved you before I ever met you. What I felt for you then was a longing kind of love. A longing to meet you, to hold you, to help you become you.

The first time I saw you, you were still in Mommy M’s belly. I saw your spine and your skull and your beautiful fingers. They told us you were a little boy. Mommy M smiled and said, “I knew he was a boy.” I closed my eyes and said, “I love you little boy. I love you.”

When you were born I was with you. I held your Mommy M’s hand and breathed deep breaths with her. I stroked her hair and I looked into her eyes and I told her that she was strong. She was very scared. When it was time for you to come, I held her tired legs and I helped her push you into this world. When I saw your beautiful face I whispered, “I love you.”

It was a bit chaotic after that. The nurses checked you and cleaned you and wrapped you up in a blanket. The nurse asked me if I wanted to hold you and I looked at your Mommy M. The doctors were trying to clean her up and I said, “Ler her hold him.” Your Mommy M and your Grandma B held you. They put their heads together and they cried. I saw your Mommy M tell you she loved you “more than the world”. She looked up at me. I had tears in my eyes. When I watched you two together it broke my heart for both of you. I could only imagine how difficult it must be for Mommy M to let you go. I walked over to the bed. We both held you, we touched our foreheads together and we cried. I cried for her loss, her strength and her pain. She cried for her loss and my joy.

I stayed with you and Mommy M that night. She slept. She was very tired. I helped her into teh bathroom. I helped her get comfortable. We talked about how beautiful you were and how we were both so happy we found each other. While she slept I held you that night. I fed you and rocked you. I looked at your fingers and your toes. I smelled you. I whispered to you that “I love you bigger than forever.” I didn’t sleep a wink. I just wanted to watch you.

I have told you that I love you everyday since. Sometimes at night we we sit in the rocker and you eat your bottle and say, “I love you sweet boy.” Other times we are playing and I make that kissing noise that makes you giggle and I say, “I love you little boy.” Sometimes you are upset and I hold you to me and I say , “Mama loves you.” Sometimes we just stare into each others eyes and I think that I love you more than my heart can hold and I know that you read my mind.

Today, we were laying on the couch. We were belly to belly. You were dozing off and your eyes fluttered open. You looked at me. I said, “I love you Keaton.” You said “Aeeeyaa” in your sleepy voice, smiled a tiny one-sided grin and closed your eyes. I knew you were telling me you loved me too. Tears welled up in my eyes. I hugged you to me.

I will always remember this moment.

I love you.

Mama

Work has been a real bee-yatch these days. We are facing some MAJOR struggles with some infighting and I would tell you my company’s name so you could read about the drama on some of the tech blogs out there, but I’m afraid I might get fired. Suffice it to say…it’s juicy. And, there are the ever present lawsuits, clean up projects, and oh, the contracts I draft and negotiate that I am behind on because of the above-mentioned dray-ma. Big sigh.

How do I have time to blog and read you ask? I don’t. But, if I don’t write – even to complain and be whiny, then I get irritated. If I don’t read, then I feel oddly left out of the goings-on. I feel like I wasn’t invited to the party. And, I miss everyone too. And, no Sybil, I don’t hate you.

So guess what I did? I made an appointment in my Outlook calendar at work to Blog. Yes, I made a recurring appointment so I could blog and read. I won’t say when, because I wouldn’t want to blog and read on work time – egads! But, I am going to be better at this whole thing and make some time for it – because I love it so!

What else goes on in the Krew House? Pook grows like a weed these days. He is so smiley and fun. He is eating cereal and peas and bananas with zeal. He dives for the spoon. He is still on the small side, but he’s catching up. Those “percentiles” are a buncha shit anyway. So what that he’s only in the 3% in weight – he has a six pack, delt caps on his shoulders, two bottom teeth, and is jabbering like mad.

What else? I rode the bus for the first time this week. We live about 25 miles from work and with gas prices chinging in at $4.00 a gallon – YES PEOPLE FOUR FREAKING DOLLARS – it seems that I could eat steak and lobster 9 days a week if I didn’t have to pay for gas on a 50 mile round trip commute each day. Is riding the bus beneath me? No, I actually felt really good about it. I was being environmentally conscious and I got a nice little jaunt from the bus stop to work there and back. It was kinda cool. You public transportation-anados are laughing at me right now, but CA is not public transportation friendly. The state is just to freaking big and Californians are just too selfish to part with their cars.

It was 4.00 bucks there and back. That is one gallon of gas bloggies. Do the math. I think we might try to do it a bit more often for our wallets’ sake and our commitment not to be earth trashers.

And then, suddenly life changes for you. Like, for example, you adopt a child and you change jobs? And, then, after you adopted a child and changed jobs, were you suddenly so busy that you can’t write as often as you’d like? And, you sortof feel like you are missing an outlet?

Did you ever worry that your readers would move on and although you weren’t writing especially for them, you’d be very sad if they left? You’d be sad because you look forward to their comments, sage advice, or wry humor? Or, maybe you’d built a friendship – even though it was virtual?

Bloggers can be fickle you know? Why do I know this? Because I think I’ve done it before. I’ve been a really faithful reader, and then for the same reason, sort of like the same reason I don’t get to write as much as I like, I don’t get to read as much as I like. And, I wonder if they think I’ve left because they suck? I have left because a blogger sucked, but it wasn’t any of you. I hope the blogger, who’s blog I didn’t really leave, but havne’t had time for, doesn’t think I’ve gone because of something they wrote – or because they were so busy with their new baby and job change that their posts of late were sporadic, short, or lame in general.

So, I’m sorry dear bloggy friends if I’ve neglected your blogs lately. If I’ve made you feel like I don’t care anymore – because I DO! Obviously I don’t want to offend the three faithful readers I have out there, so don’t take offense dear ones. Just know the apology is for you if I haven’t been around as much lately.

Too much work and little sleep makes Kami a dull, complainy, and obviously oversenstive, girl.

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*Edited – my fandango is my arse. As you know, I’m a make-up-a-word kinda gal and this is a derivative of fanny. I can’t help it that www.fandango.com – the movie site stole it from me.

I haven’t even talked about Fit Friends yet – which is yet another link to, you guessed it, Cami. She made us all commit to working out three times a week for the month of February. So far, I’ve done it easily and the thighs are less jiggly.

Here I am.

Cami made this for me on her blog.

Do you think maybe I need some other bloggy friends? Cami must think I’m stalking her.

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Yesterday on the way to work in my head (nice segue eh?):

See sign on building that is crooked.

Me: Is that sign askance or askew? Is askance even a word or did I just make it up?

I ask Ms. Smarty. She says that askance is a word. You could look askance at something.

Me in my head: Must be like peripheral vision or something

Ms. Smarty: Askew is off-balance.

Me in my head: Okay, so it is all wonky.

Silence.

Then I notice the radio is barely playing loud enough for me to discern what the song is. I notice I do this alot and rather than turn it up, I try to make out the lyrics and guess the song. Why? Because I’m weird I guess. I was thinking about this in my head and thought, well, it doesn’t sound like English. I guess I actualy said out loud, “That doesn’t sound like English.” At the very same time Ms. Smarty was turning up the volume and it was some song where the background singers were singing Umbula Mumbaleh over and over again.

Ms. Smarty: That is because it is not English. You are sharp kid.

This may be why I have no other friends.

And, for your edification:

a·skance /əˈskæns/ –adverb
1.with suspicion, mistrust, or disapproval: He looked askance at my offer.
2.with a side glance; sidewise; obliquely.

Unless you look at someone with suspicion or mistrust with your peripheral vision, this has nothing to do with peripheral vision.

a·skew /əˈskyu/ –adverb
1. to one side; out of line; in a crooked position; awry: to wear one’s hat askew; to hang a picture askew.
2. with disapproval, scorn, contempt, etc.; disdainfully: They looked askew at the painting. –adjective
3.crooked; awry: Your clothes are all askew.

I think wonky captures it.

Why?

Well, we did all our yard work the week before last. And, our V-day present to each other was getting our house cleaned from top to bottom – sexy, I know. The lesbians know how to blow it out of the water on Valentine’s Day, don’t we? So, chores done, why not stay home and be nesty with the boy?

We went to the zoo, where I was very sad to find out that Gemina, the crooked neck giraffe, had died. We loved Gemina and I said hello to her every morning as we drove to work. I hadn’t recently caught a glimpse of her having her breakfast and now I know why. Pook check out the animals made up for Gemina’s passing. We saw lemurs and the elephants, Gemina’s family, and some penguins.

Pook loved the zoo – even at 4 months. He is such an alert little boy. Here he is checking out the penguins with Mom. Yes, penguins love 70 degree weather, didn’t you know?

Here he is looking at Mama to make sure I am checking out those crazy birds too. “Mama, did you see that?”

And, besides our zoo visit, we went to the beach, which just a few minutes from us.

What a little boy he is becoming!

Besides all of our field trips, some major things have happend in the house of K.

We have teeth. Yes, all you Mommies -four months and bottom teeth. They are coming in nicely and have actually gotten quite prominent since we took this picture. It is tough to get a good shot of the new chompers. This shot required both of restraining him.

And, what goes with new teeth – besides diahrrea, crying, fever, baby tylenol, restlessness, cuddling one minute and desperatly arching to get away from Mommy the next?

Peas silly. Peas are good.