Pook,

I loved you before I ever met you. What I felt for you then was a longing kind of love. A longing to meet you, to hold you, to help you become you.

The first time I saw you, you were still in Mommy M’s belly. I saw your spine and your skull and your beautiful fingers. They told us you were a little boy. Mommy M smiled and said, “I knew he was a boy.” I closed my eyes and said, “I love you little boy. I love you.”

When you were born I was with you. I held your Mommy M’s hand and breathed deep breaths with her. I stroked her hair and I looked into her eyes and I told her that she was strong. She was very scared. When it was time for you to come, I held her tired legs and I helped her push you into this world. When I saw your beautiful face I whispered, “I love you.”

It was a bit chaotic after that. The nurses checked you and cleaned you and wrapped you up in a blanket. The nurse asked me if I wanted to hold you and I looked at your Mommy M. The doctors were trying to clean her up and I said, “Ler her hold him.” Your Mommy M and your Grandma B held you. They put their heads together and they cried. I saw your Mommy M tell you she loved you “more than the world”. She looked up at me. I had tears in my eyes. When I watched you two together it broke my heart for both of you. I could only imagine how difficult it must be for Mommy M to let you go. I walked over to the bed. We both held you, we touched our foreheads together and we cried. I cried for her loss, her strength and her pain. She cried for her loss and my joy.

I stayed with you and Mommy M that night. She slept. She was very tired. I helped her into teh bathroom. I helped her get comfortable. We talked about how beautiful you were and how we were both so happy we found each other. While she slept I held you that night. I fed you and rocked you. I looked at your fingers and your toes. I smelled you. I whispered to you that “I love you bigger than forever.” I didn’t sleep a wink. I just wanted to watch you.

I have told you that I love you everyday since. Sometimes at night we we sit in the rocker and you eat your bottle and say, “I love you sweet boy.” Other times we are playing and I make that kissing noise that makes you giggle and I say, “I love you little boy.” Sometimes you are upset and I hold you to me and I say , “Mama loves you.” Sometimes we just stare into each others eyes and I think that I love you more than my heart can hold and I know that you read my mind.

Today, we were laying on the couch. We were belly to belly. You were dozing off and your eyes fluttered open. You looked at me. I said, “I love you Keaton.” You said “Aeeeyaa” in your sleepy voice, smiled a tiny one-sided grin and closed your eyes. I knew you were telling me you loved me too. Tears welled up in my eyes. I hugged you to me.

I will always remember this moment.

I love you.

Mama

I was feeling a tad guilty that my last post was about fingernail clippings and pubic hair. I’ve had a good reason for not posting. We’ve been on vacation. We were going to go to Oregon, because I can’t get enough of my Doppleganger (is this the right link C?)…and I was hoping to arrange a marriage between the K’s, but we weren’t able to make the trip, so we decided to (drum roll) stay home.

Why?

Well, we did all our yard work the week before last. And, our V-day present to each other was getting our house cleaned from top to bottom – sexy, I know. The lesbians know how to blow it out of the water on Valentine’s Day, don’t we? So, chores done, why not stay home and be nesty with the boy?

We went to the zoo, where I was very sad to find out that Gemina, the crooked neck giraffe, had died. We loved Gemina and I said hello to her every morning as we drove to work. I hadn’t recently caught a glimpse of her having her breakfast and now I know why. Pook check out the animals made up for Gemina’s passing. We saw lemurs and the elephants, Gemina’s family, and some penguins.

Pook loved the zoo – even at 4 months. He is such an alert little boy. Here he is checking out the penguins with Mom. Yes, penguins love 70 degree weather, didn’t you know?

Here he is looking at Mama to make sure I am checking out those crazy birds too. “Mama, did you see that?”

And, besides our zoo visit, we went to the beach, which just a few minutes from us.

What a little boy he is becoming!

Besides all of our field trips, some major things have happend in the house of K.

We have teeth. Yes, all you Mommies -four months and bottom teeth. They are coming in nicely and have actually gotten quite prominent since we took this picture. It is tough to get a good shot of the new chompers. This shot required both of restraining him.

And, what goes with new teeth – besides diahrrea, crying, fever, baby tylenol, restlessness, cuddling one minute and desperatly arching to get away from Mommy the next?

Peas silly. Peas are good.